Even if I never land the perfect job, let me be faithful in frustration

Boundless. That’s what the banners lining the way to Convocation Hall had said. 

The future is boundless. 

And initially, it had appeared that way, so I went out to seize the possibilities. I sent in my resume for tutoring jobs, receptionist jobs, admin jobs, piano teaching jobs—anything that was available.

Then, the future didn’t look quite boundless anymore. I didn’t have the right skill set or experience. It felt like I wasn’t interesting enough to take a chance on. 

Months went by without any interviews. Applications were left unread and ignored. 

Headway that was made resulted in a series of false starts. I had to deal with flaky workplaces, disorganized and unhelpful management, and intense feelings of frustration. I was hired at Amazon and worked there for three weeks (but let’s not get into that). 

Read more: When our work feels insignificant

This led me to think about a path of further education—which was abruptly denied, and denied again. 

Asking hard questions

I felt like a fraud. Wasn’t I supposed to go out and do great things?

For how long would I have to be a freeloader?

How long until I found that stable job that perfectly suited me?

To provide me with some sort of income, God has given me the opportunity to be a piano teacher. But teaching piano (especially teaching online at times) has never been my first choice. There are days where I feel I’m simply going through the motions. 

Does this job really make a difference?

Will I ever make a difference?

I have learned not to keep these questions to myself, but to bring them before God. 

He speaks to me through loved ones. They encourage me to keep persevering, and to remember that my employment status doesn’t define me. 

The Lord speaks to me when I pray and read the Bible. He tells me to struggle well and steward well. 

I become impatient, frustrated, and dejected, but he reminds me to trust his kindness, power, and wisdom. 

All that matters is that I do the work that I’ve been given for today.

Read a poem: Gratitude in the dark